I've had it (for now at least), with the doom and gloom economic outlook, so to lighten the mood what about a sticky thread of gallows humor about the economy and peak oil?
Figure it would nice to have a collection of one liners to lighten the mood, for example:
Q. what the difference between a recession and a depression?
A(1) a recession is when your friend or neighbor looses a job
a depression is when ya loose your job!
A(2) a recession is when ya can buy an iPod on credit
a depression is when the apple store tears up your credit card
in front of everyone and publicly announces you're a credit risk
A(3) (this one is for economists)
after 5 years of downward economic contraction and no
end in sight, a recession would be a welcome relief!
Sunday • October 12 2008
Economics & Finance
Gallows humor...
phaster
ohanian
Recession? What recession?
THIS IS THE BEST YEAR FOR BEAR FUNDS. BAR NONE!!!
THIS IS THE BEST YEAR FOR BEAR FUNDS. BAR NONE!!!
canuckinczech
...I find this funny, guess I'm a bit sick.
A former Hong Kong colleague of my friend from his days managing money in Hong Kong in the 70's sent her this. He's been a follower of the heavy-handed IMF -World Bank restructuring policies in Third World countries over the past 30 years:
A funny matter now but possible reality. Some even think, this is may be overdue.
Dear United States, Welcome to the Third World !
It's not every day that a superpower makes a bid to transform itself into a
Third World nation, and we here at the World Bank and the International
Monetary Fund want to be among the first to welcome you to the
Community of states in desperate need of international economic
assistance. As you spiral into a catastrophic financial meltdown, we
Are delighted to respond to your Treasury Department's request that we
undertake a joint stability assessment of your financial sector. In
These turbulent times, we can provide services ranging from subsidized
loans to expert advisors willing to perform an emergency overhaul of
your entire government.
As you know, some outside intervention in your economy is overdue.
Last week -- even before Wall Street's latest collapse -- 13 former
finance ministers convened at the University of Virginia and agreed
that you must fix your "broken financial system." Australia 's Peter
Costello noted that lately you've been "exporting instability" in world
markets, and Yashwant Sinha, former finance minister of India ,
concluded, "The time has come. The U.S. should accept some monitoring
by the IMF.."
We hope you won't feel embarrassed as we assess the stability of
your economy and suggest needed changes. Remember, many other countries
have been in your shoes. We've bailed out the economies of Argentina ,
Brazil , Indonesia and South Korea . But whether our work is in Sudan ,
Bangladesh or now the United States , our experts are committed to
intervening in national economies with care and sensitivity.
We thus want to acknowledge the progress you have made in your
evolution from economic superpower to economic basket case. Normally,
such a process might take 100 years or more. With your oscillation
between free-market extremism and nationalization of private companies,
however, you have successfully achieved, in a few short years, many of
the key hallmarks of Third World economies.
Your policies of irresponsible government deregulation in critical
sectors allowed you to rapidly develop an energy crisis, a housing
crisis, a credit crisis and a financial market crisis, all at once, and
accompanied (and partly caused) by impressive levels of corruption and
speculation. Meanwhile, those of your political leaders charged with
oversight were either napping or in bed with corporate lobbyists.
Take John McCain, your Republican presidential nominee, whose
senior staff includes half a dozen prominent former lobbyists. As he
recently put it, "I was chairman of the [Senate] Commerce Committee
that oversights every part of the economy." No question about it: Your
leaders' failure to notice the damage done by irresponsible
deregulation was indeed an oversight of epic proportions.
Now you are facing the consequences. Income inequality has
increased, as the rich have gotten windfalls while the middle class has
seen incomes stagnate. Fewer and fewer of your citizens have access to
affordable housing, healthcare or security in retirement. Even life
expectancy has dropped. And when your economic woes went from chronic
to acute, you responded -- like so many Third World states have -- with
an extensive program of nationalizing private companies and assets.
Your mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are now state owned and
controlled, and this week your reinsurance giant AIG was effectively
nationalized, with the Federal Reserve Board seizing an 80% equity
stake in the flailing company.
Some might deride this as socialism. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
Admittedly,
your transition to Third World status is far from over, and it won't be
painless. At first, for instance, you may find it hard to get used to
the shantytowns that will replace the exurban sprawl of McMansions that
helped fuel the real estate speculation bubble. But in time, such
shantytowns will simply become part of the landscape. Similarly, as
unemployment rates continue to rise, you will initially struggle to
find a use for the expanding pool of angry, jobless young men. But you
will gradually realize that you can recruit them to fight in a
ceaseless round of armed conflicts, a solution that has been utilized
by many other Third World states before you. Indeed, with your wars in
Iraq and Afghanistan , you are off to an excellent start.
Perhaps this letter comes as a surprise to you, and you feel you're
not fully ready to join the Third World . Don't let this feeling concern
you. Though you may never have realized it, you've been preparing for
this moment for years.
RIC S. PASCUA, SR.
A former Hong Kong colleague of my friend from his days managing money in Hong Kong in the 70's sent her this. He's been a follower of the heavy-handed IMF -World Bank restructuring policies in Third World countries over the past 30 years:
A funny matter now but possible reality. Some even think, this is may be overdue.
Dear United States, Welcome to the Third World !
It's not every day that a superpower makes a bid to transform itself into a
Third World nation, and we here at the World Bank and the International
Monetary Fund want to be among the first to welcome you to the
Community of states in desperate need of international economic
assistance. As you spiral into a catastrophic financial meltdown, we
Are delighted to respond to your Treasury Department's request that we
undertake a joint stability assessment of your financial sector. In
These turbulent times, we can provide services ranging from subsidized
loans to expert advisors willing to perform an emergency overhaul of
your entire government.
As you know, some outside intervention in your economy is overdue.
Last week -- even before Wall Street's latest collapse -- 13 former
finance ministers convened at the University of Virginia and agreed
that you must fix your "broken financial system." Australia 's Peter
Costello noted that lately you've been "exporting instability" in world
markets, and Yashwant Sinha, former finance minister of India ,
concluded, "The time has come. The U.S. should accept some monitoring
by the IMF.."
We hope you won't feel embarrassed as we assess the stability of
your economy and suggest needed changes. Remember, many other countries
have been in your shoes. We've bailed out the economies of Argentina ,
Brazil , Indonesia and South Korea . But whether our work is in Sudan ,
Bangladesh or now the United States , our experts are committed to
intervening in national economies with care and sensitivity.
We thus want to acknowledge the progress you have made in your
evolution from economic superpower to economic basket case. Normally,
such a process might take 100 years or more. With your oscillation
between free-market extremism and nationalization of private companies,
however, you have successfully achieved, in a few short years, many of
the key hallmarks of Third World economies.
Your policies of irresponsible government deregulation in critical
sectors allowed you to rapidly develop an energy crisis, a housing
crisis, a credit crisis and a financial market crisis, all at once, and
accompanied (and partly caused) by impressive levels of corruption and
speculation. Meanwhile, those of your political leaders charged with
oversight were either napping or in bed with corporate lobbyists.
Take John McCain, your Republican presidential nominee, whose
senior staff includes half a dozen prominent former lobbyists. As he
recently put it, "I was chairman of the [Senate] Commerce Committee
that oversights every part of the economy." No question about it: Your
leaders' failure to notice the damage done by irresponsible
deregulation was indeed an oversight of epic proportions.
Now you are facing the consequences. Income inequality has
increased, as the rich have gotten windfalls while the middle class has
seen incomes stagnate. Fewer and fewer of your citizens have access to
affordable housing, healthcare or security in retirement. Even life
expectancy has dropped. And when your economic woes went from chronic
to acute, you responded -- like so many Third World states have -- with
an extensive program of nationalizing private companies and assets.
Your mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are now state owned and
controlled, and this week your reinsurance giant AIG was effectively
nationalized, with the Federal Reserve Board seizing an 80% equity
stake in the flailing company.
Some might deride this as socialism. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
Admittedly,
your transition to Third World status is far from over, and it won't be
painless. At first, for instance, you may find it hard to get used to
the shantytowns that will replace the exurban sprawl of McMansions that
helped fuel the real estate speculation bubble. But in time, such
shantytowns will simply become part of the landscape. Similarly, as
unemployment rates continue to rise, you will initially struggle to
find a use for the expanding pool of angry, jobless young men. But you
will gradually realize that you can recruit them to fight in a
ceaseless round of armed conflicts, a solution that has been utilized
by many other Third World states before you. Indeed, with your wars in
Iraq and Afghanistan , you are off to an excellent start.
Perhaps this letter comes as a surprise to you, and you feel you're
not fully ready to join the Third World . Don't let this feeling concern
you. Though you may never have realized it, you've been preparing for
this moment for years.
RIC S. PASCUA, SR.
ohanian
Banksta Rap Made Me Do It
by Henry Paulson
Prior to Banksta Rap Lending
The world was a peaceful place
And then all of that changed.
Bankruptcy, Collapses, Repossessions, Theft
This was all things that came about as a result of Banksta Rap
[Intro:]
Blame me
[Chorus 1:]
You yankees know my CDOs
You yankees know my CDOs blow blow
You yankees know my CDOs blow
It's L.A.W L.A.W
[Verse 1:]
You lookin' at the grand wizard debt lord bank god so vicious
And I don't have to show riches to pull up pull off with some bad leaches
And it ain't about investments
It's about debt leaverages and derivatives
It's about my greed ain't nothing like a man that can do wha he wanna
Ain't nothing like man on that you knew on wall street
See 'em come up and Fark up the house owner
See 'em throw up real estate California
Yankee I'm hot as phoenix Arizona
I'm utah I got multiple leaches
It's a new law keep a hold of yo riches
Dumb Yankee don't spend it as soon as you get it and recognize I'm a banker you a debtor
[Chorus 2:]
I can say what I want to say ain't nohin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I call you a nigga ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
I can act like Lehman Brothers ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I eat you like Merrill Lynch ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
[Verse 2:]
I'm a raw as a dirty needle
Choke an eagle
Just to feed all my people
Legislatically I'm so lethal
Plant thoughts in they mind just to defeat you
Senators are the suckers ya spit saliva
And I spit on your Fannie, Mac!
I got the fearless Freddie, Mac!
Don't get near this black hole
If you sacred to go
I keep it banksta and why should I change that Fark all you muthafukas tryin' to change rap (Say what, say what?)
But aren't you the same Bush that sat back when they brought Merrill Lynch back (Say what, say what?)
I'm tryin' to get me a may back how you muthafukas gonna tell me don't say that
You the ones that we learned it from I heard Nixon back in 1971
[Chorus 3:]
So if I act like a king ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I call you a happy headed joe ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I shut up your colleges ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I rob you of knowledge ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
[Verse 3:]
Thank God when I bless the mic
You finally get to hear the crap that you like
A banksta talkin' 'bout real life so you can try to get this crap right
Use your brain not your back use your brain not a gat
It's a party not a jack(for real)
Don't be scared of them people
Walk up in there and show them that you equal(buy shares, buy shares)
And don't get material a banksta grew up on milk and cereal
I never forgot vaness and imperial
Look at my life Stock Market is a miracle
It could be you if you was this lyrical
It could be her if she was this spritual
Cause me and Bush go back like cronies
I ain't got to be fake cause he is my homie
[Chorus 4:]
If I sell a little short ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I lie about Iraq ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I take you for a grand ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I Fark up the banks ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
[Chorus 1:]
You yankees know my CDOs
You yankees know my CDOs blow blow
You yankees know my CDOs blow
It's L.A.W L.A.W
[Outro:]
Oh yeah and anotha thing for all ya regulators that don't do banksta rap
Don't get on TV talkin' about banksta rap
Cause 9 times at of 10 you don't know the Fark you 're talkin' about
Talk about that bullshit rap you do
And stay the Fark out of banks
by Henry Paulson
Prior to Banksta Rap Lending
The world was a peaceful place
And then all of that changed.
Bankruptcy, Collapses, Repossessions, Theft
This was all things that came about as a result of Banksta Rap
[Intro:]
Blame me
[Chorus 1:]
You yankees know my CDOs
You yankees know my CDOs blow blow
You yankees know my CDOs blow
It's L.A.W L.A.W
[Verse 1:]
You lookin' at the grand wizard debt lord bank god so vicious
And I don't have to show riches to pull up pull off with some bad leaches
And it ain't about investments
It's about debt leaverages and derivatives
It's about my greed ain't nothing like a man that can do wha he wanna
Ain't nothing like man on that you knew on wall street
See 'em come up and Fark up the house owner
See 'em throw up real estate California
Yankee I'm hot as phoenix Arizona
I'm utah I got multiple leaches
It's a new law keep a hold of yo riches
Dumb Yankee don't spend it as soon as you get it and recognize I'm a banker you a debtor
[Chorus 2:]
I can say what I want to say ain't nohin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I call you a nigga ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
I can act like Lehman Brothers ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I eat you like Merrill Lynch ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
[Verse 2:]
I'm a raw as a dirty needle
Choke an eagle
Just to feed all my people
Legislatically I'm so lethal
Plant thoughts in they mind just to defeat you
Senators are the suckers ya spit saliva
And I spit on your Fannie, Mac!
I got the fearless Freddie, Mac!
Don't get near this black hole
If you sacred to go
I keep it banksta and why should I change that Fark all you muthafukas tryin' to change rap (Say what, say what?)
But aren't you the same Bush that sat back when they brought Merrill Lynch back (Say what, say what?)
I'm tryin' to get me a may back how you muthafukas gonna tell me don't say that
You the ones that we learned it from I heard Nixon back in 1971
[Chorus 3:]
So if I act like a king ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I call you a happy headed joe ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I shut up your colleges ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I rob you of knowledge ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
[Verse 3:]
Thank God when I bless the mic
You finally get to hear the crap that you like
A banksta talkin' 'bout real life so you can try to get this crap right
Use your brain not your back use your brain not a gat
It's a party not a jack(for real)
Don't be scared of them people
Walk up in there and show them that you equal(buy shares, buy shares)
And don't get material a banksta grew up on milk and cereal
I never forgot vaness and imperial
Look at my life Stock Market is a miracle
It could be you if you was this lyrical
It could be her if she was this spritual
Cause me and Bush go back like cronies
I ain't got to be fake cause he is my homie
[Chorus 4:]
If I sell a little short ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I lie about Iraq ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I take you for a grand ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
If I Fark up the banks ain't nothin' to it banksta rap made me do it
[Chorus 1:]
You yankees know my CDOs
You yankees know my CDOs blow blow
You yankees know my CDOs blow
It's L.A.W L.A.W
[Outro:]
Oh yeah and anotha thing for all ya regulators that don't do banksta rap
Don't get on TV talkin' about banksta rap
Cause 9 times at of 10 you don't know the Fark you 're talkin' about
Talk about that bullshit rap you do
And stay the Fark out of banks
charliebrownout
Iaato
http://www.peakoil.com/fortopic37248.html
Bump. You know it's a recession when . . . .
Lots of witty responses.
Bump. You know it's a recession when . . . .
Lots of witty responses.
GASMON
An old man was on his death bed, and wanted to be buried with his money. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 to repair the roof of the church." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new X-ray machine for the pediatrics ward at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, I enclosed a check for the full $30,000."
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much." The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?" The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ... church, church, church."
Gasmon
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much." The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?" The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ... church, church, church."
Gasmon
Iaato
Big Picture Typepad
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
Quote:
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
canuckinczech
Chuckle for the day- This is cute no matter what your political affiliation may be.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right, from day one, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.
But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road..
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right, from day one, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.
But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road..
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Iaato
Zardoz
charliebrownout wrote:
From the Onion...Congress can't remember the last time it legislated like this...
I love The Onion.
Quote:
Members said they didn't expect the magic to last more than a few days, but remained confident that the passion will resurface again sometime in the next five years, when emergency legislation is required to respond to roving gangs of angry citizens fighting over fresh water and kerosene.
Ainan
Quote:
INVESTMENT ALTERNATIVE:"If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Airlines stock one year ago, you would have $49 today. If you had purchased $1000 of AIG stock one year ago, you would have $33 today. If you had purchased $1000 of Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, you will have $0 today. However, if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have received $214 today at redemptions. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-KEG Plan."
Cabrone
Quote:
Chuckle for the day- This is cute no matter what your political affiliation may be.Why did the chicken cross the road?
Fox News: We don't know but as far as we are concerned, this chicken only has a right wing.
archaen
